Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Jaani Dushman

This movie was released in the year 2002 and includes a big star cast. The genre is Horror/Supernatural but ended up as comedy !! As there are too many stars in the movie, I will refer to them by their real names.

The movie begins with a wedding reception. Guy 1 ( I don't know who he is) is getting married and all his friends are having fun. The next scene is the first night ( the couple just ditch the guests) scene which is in the same hotel where the reception is being held. So Guy 1 lifts the ghoongat of the bride; and before he looks at her again; her face turns into a skull. He is horrified to look at her and the skull-bride kicks him. ROFL. Then the skull slowly transforms into the most funny looking Skeleton. The scene is hilariaous. The monstrous skeleton is made of chalk I think; its so dispropotinate, that it would only make you LOL instead of shiver. Anyway, the skeleton beats up the guy and throws him from the window. Guy 1 survives the fall !! His friends are still partying downstairs and he tells them ' biwi' before dying. The biwi is missing ! What nail-biting suspense !!

Then Manisha Koirala is shown descending into some dingly looking cave. She is the "atma" that killed Guy 1. Then she narrates her story in a flash-back. MK is the college hottie and Sunny Deol is her Boy friend( who is an alumini and businessman now). Deol rescues MK from a rape attempt. Does he take the culprits to the cops ? No , he takes them to the principal instead. The logic being, he does not want to bring a bad name to the college (huh?). Principal is Raj Babbar ( dressed as a Priest/Father). Babbar tells the 2 culprits to ask for forgiveness from MK. She forgives them. But they feel insulted. Deol then leaves to London because of his business and promises to marry MK upon returning.

Then MK begins to hear some strange voice and gets drawn to a tree. The tree is inhibited by a snake which is an ichadari nag ( IN). Turns out this IN and MK were lovers many births ago. Both were snakes ( eeks). Disturbed by their ugly dancing; Amrish Puri ( a sage) curses them. The curse was too long; the gist - she dies and he lives. They will be reunited in the 21st century. End of explanation by IN. When MK hears this she hugs IN (played by Munish Kohli); then she remembers Sunny and is confused.

Then, Akshay Kumar is hosting a party in some isolated place where he invites all his friends. The 2 culprits ( one looks like a fool and the other looks like he is more than 35 yrs old--i think he paid for the college boy role) dupe MK to come earlier by imitating the voices of all others (crux of the revenge logic later on). MK comes early and they rape her. In her fury, she kills herself by plunging her stomach into a protruding log ! Before dying, all her friends show up and she accuses them of plotting with the 2 culprits and insults them. IN shows up out of nowhere and is upset to see MK dying. She then asks IN to kill all those who plotted against her. MK becomes a ghost. Then IN transforms into batman; heheh; no I am kidding but the costume did look like one; except there was no mask. IN has green eyes, can transform into any shape or person, has padded batman dress and has super-natural powers. LOL.

IN performs the kiss-of-death (litrally) and kills one of the culprits. MK tranforms into bride-skeleton and kills the other culprit - Guy 1 from the start of the story. End of flash-back. Then, the next victim is Sharad Kapoor. He gets a lift from a guy who turns out to be IN. Fights follow, Kapoor runs; then IN flies (yes he can fly too) and follows Kapoor. Then Kapoor jumps into the car and drives away. Does IN fly and catch him ? No ! He conjures up a black bike and follows the car. More stunts which are hilarious. I also got a glimpse of the shoes worn by IN - they look like an amphibian's webbed foot (maybe it was some special snake skin). ROFL. IN finally kills him. He then manages to kill the othes too - Arshad Warsi, Aditya Pancholi, Aftab. Then Sunil Shetty is killed in the most interesting way - IN and MK get into his body and kill him from inside. Its insanely funny. ROFL.

Did I mention that Babbar is also a professor in para-psychology (huh, what the hell is that). He gives all the friends a chain to protect them. This chain's locket has all the religious symbols fused into one !

Then Akshay is almost killed and taken to the hospital. A very thin Rambha is his GF. She was so thin that I could not recognize her ! Then comes the turn of Sonu Nigam. Nigam is actually Deol's younger brother. Nigam panics and calls his brother. Big bro shows up from London in no time ! FYI no one bothered to inform Deol that his GF was dead !! IN comes as Deol and stabs Nigam, who is taken to the hospital. The real Deol is taken to the prison where MK reveals herself as a ghost and tells him the story.

IN goes to the hospital to the kill the two remaining people. Suddenly Nigam and Akshay jump from the bed; find a cool bike parked conviniently and ride away. IN chases them in his bike instead of just flying (what a moron). He beats up Akshay. Then Nigam runs and gets into a speed-boat which is kept just for him. IN then walks on water and chases him, ROFL. Suddenly Akshay comes in a jet-ski out of nowhere ! More fights under-water; Akshay just refuses to die. In the meantime, Deol kicks the prison door in typical filmy style and runs out to resuce his brother ( how does he know the location).

The climax finally ( we are ready to kill ourselves if this continued for more than 5 mts); more fights. Akshay runs to Babbar and hams before dying. Babbar chants something and conjures up some 'shakti' which gets into Deol. Deol has super-shakti now. He saves his brother. IN is split into two. Does he die ? We never understood !Then IN and MK go away into their dreamland. Phew. The End.

How did so many people agree to act in this horror movie ? The director's son is IN ofcourse. The songs are hilarious; acting , special -effects are extremely funny. It has been a while since I saw such a useless movie. There are matrix inspired stunts and also terminator style stunts. Make-up is hedieous.

Should you watch it ? Yes Yes Yes ... but with friends !

Jaani Dushman - Ek Anokhi Kahani (2002)

Producer : RajKumar Kohli

Director : Raj Kumar Kohli
Cast : Sunny Deol, Suniel Shetty, Manisha Koirala, Aftab Shivdasani, Arshad Warsi, Aditya Panscholi, Sharad Kapoor, Rajat Bedi, Sonu Nigam, Munish Kohli, Amrish Puri, Rambha, Shahbaaz Khan, Raju Mavani, Akshay Kumar
Guest Appearance : Raj Babbar
Music Director : Anand Raj Anand, Anand Miland
Lyricist : Sameer, Dev Kohli
Cinematographer : Thomas Xavier, Damodar Naidu
Dialogue Writter : K. K. Singh
Art Director : Pawan Verma
Action Director : Tinu Verma
Choreographer : Bosco Ceaser, Ganesh Acharya

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Reviews of recent movies ....

Here is my review for some of the Bollywood movies that I saw; they are in no particular order.

Rang De Basanti - What can I say ? Its a brilliant movie. I loved everything about it. It has surely made it in my list of all time favourite movies. The end was sad and left me sobbing for hours. I will surely get a dvd copy to watch re-runs.

Bluffmaster - AB looks great. Songs are good. Cast is good. Story is bearable. I thought the end could have been taken better. Still, its a decent movie. Some scenes are actually funny. Ritish D has come a long way; he has done a great job too.

Zinda - Its a different story compared to the usual run-of-the mill Bollywood movies. It is inspired by a foreign movie. Sanjay Dutt has acted very well. The movie is taken well too; but it is not for the weak hearted - many scenes are very grouse to watch. It is hard to accept Lara Dutta as a taxi driver. John looks good. The justification in the end is hard to digest but I would still say its a good watch. Thankfully Celina Jaitely is shown only for 5 minutes. The story line is about a man who gets abducted and kept in a cell for 14 years; he is suddenly released and left to figure out the motive and the identity of his abductor. An interesting watch.

Iqbal - The story is about a deaf and dumb boy who loves to play cricket. Will he make it in the cricket world ? The story, direction and acting are superb. The cast is excellent. Its a must watch.

Deewana Huye Pagal - Here is a typical Bollywood style movie. It is inspired by ' There's something about Mary' with some typical Bollywood masala. I thought it would be extremely stupid but I was mistaken. The movie is quite watchable and some parts are very funny. Akshay Kumar has done a great job. The heroine is very average. The part played by Sunil Shetty is also funny ( his role). You can surely watch the movie. Have the remote ready to ff songs.

Shikar - They start out with a good idea; but end up mixing too many issues in the end. It leaves you confused. But still you can watch it (if you want to), its not a torture. There is nothing new and most of the scenes are predictable. Acting is average; Ajay Devgan looks weird and so do most of the cast.

Ek Ajnabee - There is no heroine in this; no item songs. Its a simple story - Big B is a bodyguard ( though he looks too old for this role). His job is to protect a little girl, who is very cute, unlike the usual annoying kids seen on screen. Her acting is very natural. Movie is quite decent to watch. Arjun Rampal looks great. He does a hip-hop number too; is this a growing trend ? The song is good though. There are not too many surprises in this. You can surely watch it. The guest appearance in the end is nice. There is a rap number in the end by Sanjay Dutt which is awful.

Jawani Deewani - I could NOT watch more than 5 minutes. Illogical. Only skin-show.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Neal N Nikki

If looks could kill, the lead pair in this movie can surely do it. I am sure, anyone who managed to survive this movie would agree with me in saying that Uday Chopra and Tanisha are the industry's worst looking lead pair. The movie could have been an average hit but for the lead pair who surely make this a living horror.

A quick summary; Uday Chopra aka Neal is every girl's dream. ROFL. Or so they keep reminding us in the movie. He agrees for an arranged marriage with a girl called Sweetie from Bhatinda. FYI he is an ABCD who has never been to India. He is a Canadian. Anyway, Neal gets permission from his dad to go and live his life in the big city for a month. Deja Vu. Isn't this dialogue used by girls ? Reminds me of DDLJ. Anyway, getting back to story, Neal goes to Vancouver. Its a beautiful city. His only objective is meeting women and getting some " action" [ he actually uses that line in the movie].

And since Neal is so hot and cool; women trip over each other to be with him. ROFL. The women range from swimsuit models to runaway brides (and also a Whale loving girl- watch the movie to see wat I mean). In the meantime, he bumps into a hardly dressed Nikki. I think the director thought showing a LOT of skin would distract people from looking at her face. Her hair style is also awful. The less said about her clothes the better. Turns out, Nikki is on a rebound and wants to take revenge on her ex-bf ( who's a underwear model). So she cons Neal into helping her. They drive around Canada in Nikki's beetle. There is also a big discussion about Nikki's virginity. Like we care ! ? Anyway, they succeed in making her ex jealous. After all the drama, the two realize that they love each other. Yawn. They finally get some action. Wink. Wink.

The scene next morning was hilarious. They are sleeping outside a tent in a sleeping bag. The place is absolutely gorgeous. But, why would they sleep outside after taking the trouble of putting up a tent ? Anyway, the morning after; Neal gives Nikki the impression that she was just another girl. So she is annoyed. I should also mention that in this morning scene, Neal seems to have more lipstick than Nikki. Next thing we know, Neal is making coffee for Nikki while she goes for a swim. Hmmm I should mention a scene where she comes out of the water in a bikini. My roommates and I found it hilarious. Anyway they part after that.

Then turns out Sweetie is Nikki's cousin. There is more drama. Blah Blah. In the end, Neal finally proposes to Nikki and everyone is happy (so are we because the movie is finally over).

Further comments about the movie: Nikki's ex-bf is French speaking desi; very ugly ofcourse and he has a firang gf who hits on Neal ofcourse. Every girl in the movie makes a pass at Neal.
The things money can do....

Nikki aka Tanisha 's acting is awful. She tries to imitate her sister Kajol and falls flat. Neal aka Uday does not even bother to act. This movie seems like a desi version of American Pie.
Both cannot dance too. The first song Halle Re ( not sure if thats the name) has some really funny dance steps. And was she giving him a lap dance? Hmmmm

Good points : the songs are good, the location is beautiful.

Should u watch the movie ?

Yes ! I would highly recommend if you have company ( watching alone can be traumatic). You can have a good laugh. And would feel extremely good and beautiful after watching the lead pair.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Flight Plan

I heard a lot about this movie when it released and wanted to watch it. What did I think about it ? Read on...

The movie begins with Jodie Foster talking to someone in a different language (German). Her husband had jumped off a building and died. So she was relocating to USA from Germany with the casket of her husband. She has a 6 year old daughter who looks scared and troubled. Jodie is a hydraulic engineer (or something like that); so she knows everything about the plane that they are flying as she designed some parts of it. They are flying a huge double-decker plane.

Her daughter is very scared. So she lets her sleep alone in her seat while she moves to another seat in the back to stretch out. Huh ! Who would leave a scared child alone ? Anyway, when Jodie wakes up, her daughter is missing. She begins to look for her and panics. Then the plane crew calm her down. Later she is informed that they have no trace of her daughter ever being on flight. Jodie has no proof either. No one seems to have seen her daughter. She has misplaced her boarding pass too !

Then, the rest of the movie is about how hysterical she can get. The captain does not believe her. Jodie keeps running all over the plane searching for her daughter. It is a little interesting. The captain is convinced that Jodie's daughter is dead too and that Jodie is under emotional stress. No one seems to believe her.

Yawn. Then there is a sudden twist. The flight Marshall seems to be a hijacker ! Huh !! There is a bomb in the casket (excuse me ?). So he promptly goes and brings the bomb. The daughter is sleeping peacefully near what seems like the engines ! He then tells the captain that Jodie is a hijacker and wants money to be wired somewhere. The captain arranges it in 2 minutes !! Then the plane makes a stop somewhere and all the passengers get off. All along, Jodie is unaware about being framed for the hijack.

Then when everyone disembarks, Jodie realises that she is being framed. More action. More running. Very imaginative (read silly). Finally she rescues her daughter from the engines. The flight Marshall is injured and is lying near the engines ( that's where the bomb is). She then hides behind something and presses the trigger of the bomb. Explosion.

Scene outside the plane. Everyone is shocked to see the explosion. Suddenly the plane's door opens. Jodie walks out with her daughter. Duh ! How did she escape the blast from such a short range? This logic is just like our Bollywood movies ! It was so silly. Lots of loose ends that make no sense.

BTW, that's the end. Everyone realises that Jodie has spoken the truth all along and that she was framed. Yawn.
Release Date: September 23rd, 2005 (wide)

Friday, November 11, 2005

Time Pass

The previews seemed very suggestive. My roomates and I had many shocks while watching this two days ago. The movie begins with the hero Vishal learning dance ( yeah right) from the heroine, Jenny. The pic shown here is from the so called dance session. You get the idea, right ? Vishal has his hands all over Jenny; while Jenny's mom watches on ! Huh...and all this is supposed to be present day Mumbai...morals have certainly changed in India.

Vishal and Jenny are supposed to be family friends. They are college students. They never show the college or mention what they are studying. Jenny is an aspiring model (that explains the scanty clothes). Vishal has a set of friends who seem like a bunch of losers (including him).

Then some unrest is shown in Mumbai; some religious riots taking place only at scattered locations. Vishal goes home safely and tip-toes to his room. Then he starts fantasizing about Jenny. Oh My God ! I thought it was an ad for Victoria's Secret's fall collection !! Jenny wears nothing literally. We were all shocked. What is the censor board doing ? The song was really crazy; the making-out scenes seemed too much for a Hindi Movie. End of dream sequence. Phew ! He is obsessed with her !

Then, the next day, Vishal goes to Jenny's house thinking she is alone. Jenny wears a short mini skirt and top with a plunging neck-line (at home) ! Since when did girls start dressing this way ? Anyway, they start watching TV and the director shows the heroine from all angles. Nothing is left to imagination. Vishal is just about to touch her; when Jenny's sister enters the room.

By then we figure out that the whole movie is about Vishal trying to sleep with Jenny. He cooks up a story about an ad-director and asks a friend (an uncle) to pose as the director. He takes Jenny to meet the director. What follows are their adventures for the rest of the night. Everyone they meet, has a buri nazar on Jenny. While she parades on in minimal clothes and tries to act coy and innocent ! They encounter many people that night while they run from one place to another (because of the riots). They are saved from the cops by a middle-aged lady. She asks them to stay over at her place for the night (how sweet). Then it turns out that the lady wants to sleep with Vishal ( what ? Give me a break). She actually tries to seduce him wearing what seemed like a bikini. Lord save us ! Vishal manages to escape and they run to his friend's house for help. He lets them sleep in his car. There is another steamy dream scene in a garage. At the end of the movie, they realize that they are in love. Huh ! ? !

That's it !

The whole movie is a complete waste of time. It seems as if everyone is obsessed with women and making out. The heroine is a bimbo as usual. She just flaunts her body and cannot talk. Her nasal ( I think she thought she was being cute/sexy) tone is very irritating. The hero looks like a boy next door. The rest of the cast are equally stupid. Movie leaves you with a headache.

Why do they make such movies and torture us ?

Time Pass - A lust story [ that's what the promos say]

Director:Chander Mishra
Producer:Anil Sharma
Cast: Arjun Punj, Mona Chopra, Himani Shivpuri, Adi Irani
Music: Sunil Jha
Lyrics: Sunil Jha

Monday, October 31, 2005

Saw 2

After a crazy halloween weekend in Austin, we reached Arlington by 8pm and headed straight to AMC to watch this movie. It was a lot like the first part - lots of gore, blood and death.

The movie starts with jigsaw trapping his victims in a house where they are breathing some letal gas. The game begins with eight strangers connected by some factor which they need to figure out in order to escape. The detectives from part 1 are involved in this case again. The detectives figure out where Jigsaw is hiding and find him on a wheel chair. Detective Mason's son is one of the victims kidnapped by Jigsaw. So emotions run high.

Jigsaw tells Mason that his son is a place that is safe and secure and all the detective has to do to get him back is listen to him while he talks. He also tells him that they have 2 hours to figure out the location of the place where the victims are being held.

The victims are looking for a way to escape in the meantime. Most of them have gruesome deaths. The victim who escaped in part 1 of saw is again trapped this time. The scene where she is thrown into a pit of needles really freaked me out. Anyway only two remain alive towards the end. Do they survive ? What happens to Jigsaw ? What about Detective Mason ? I don't want to spoil the suspense by giving the answers. Watch it.

My verdict is that I liked the movie. It did have a twist in the end like the first part. Unlike sequels which fall flat, this is a pretty good job. So, if you liked the first part, you would like this too.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005


This movie was released sometime in Aug this year and I had heard quite a bit about it because of the star attraction - Bips and Priyanka. If you want to read a review about the complete story, read it in rediff. My review is mostly about the logic or the lack of it in this movie.

I did not have high expectations about the movie as I had been forewarned. The movie begins with Arav (Bobby Deol) working off-campus (in a mechanic shop owned by a desi) in America ofcourse. They never mention which city; some shots seem very European. Anyway, Arav is a Genius is fixing cars ( I should ask him to check mine). He is advised to go and pray in a Gypsy temple ( huh ? ) and it looks more like a tribal hut where people seem possessed (hahahah). There is a big jar(like a halloween candy jar) filled with rolled parchments. He is just about to pick one when Anna (Bips) also pulls out the same fortune roll !! Duh! How did that happen ? The jar seemed small for two !! And looks she did not have the basic courtesy to wait for her turn. Anyway, their joint fortune is " today you will meet your destiny (in bed heheheh) ". Because her IQ is really low, Anna comes to the conclusion that Arav is her destiny. They have many chance encounters after that to justify her conclusion.

In his spare time , Arav likes to jog (looks more like jumping) and test-drive cars ( don't we all). So he goes to the Ferrari show room to test drive a car.( Now why din't I think of that ?) Anyway, they refuse and he is left to just see the interiors when he bumps into Anna again. She then offers to drop him ( fyi she is test-driving the Red Ferrari convertible cos she has contacts). So Arav the Genius, evaluates the aerodynamics ( he actually uses that word) of the car by sitting in the passenger seat. He forgets his laptop in the car.

When he gets to his work place (the garage), his boss tells him that he has an interview with BMW the next day. Huh ? Arav is perplexed as his designs are in his laptop and he has no way of contacting Anna. When he goes for the interview, the panel tells him that they already saw his designs and are very impressed. So, within 2 minutes he gets a job in BMW !! LOL ! Bips turns out to be his love-struck assistant (who had recommended him for the job). They fall in love (yawn). There are some boring songs. Did the reviews say Bips looks hot ? She looked weird and I think she has to do something about her squint.

So, the story drags on. Arav manages to impress the Chairman of BMW ( Shakti kapoor...). Can they actually make such claims ? Then comes the big day, Arav's design is launched ! Shakti kapoor's voice booms ' Ladies and Gentlemen; I present to you the designer of zed 4 ( what the hell ?) - Arav' . ROFL. He actually said Zed 4 ( and not zee 4). ROFL. He then starts talking in Hindi (no translaters seen). Then announces the engagement of his grand-daughter Anna (surprise) with Arav !! All this at a BMW car launch ! Hahaha...What imagination !!

Everything looks rosy; they sing and dance. Then, one day Arav gets a call from India and he has to leave immediately. Flash back : Some village and 2 kids eating mangoes ( how cute). Ofcourse one is Arav and the girl is Kajal (Priyanka Chopra). So, they are childhood buddies. Kajal's grandma is not well and so Arav's parents promise her that Kajal would be married to Arav. All this is when they are kids ( thats almost child-marriage, isn't it ? ).

So here comes amazing logic; Arav goes to a boarding school (after the promise)for 10 years and he never comes home in that time (wat ?). He finishes what we assume to be 12th std. Then he tells his friends that he has got his admission in US for M.tech ( and not MS). He has his visa ready and tickets for a flight in 48 hours! Wait a minute, how did he get admission for M.tech after finishing 12th std ? Who was sponsering him? His father does not even know about the plans; so who paid for everything ? I guess he is Genius and must have found a way.

(Lesser mortals like us had to do B.E, write GRE and then do MS. But here is another way for future aspiring students. We should ask the director about the method. I can open a consultancy in India for higher studies based on this method and get rich hehehehe. )

Anyway, Arav's parents force him to marry Kajal in those 48 hrs and he leaves on the night of the wedding. This was three years ago and he has never come to India till now. End of flashback. He meets his wife and asks her for a divorce on grounds that he does not love her. We are tortured with a lot of melodrama. Priyanka looks weird too. I wonder if the tape we saw had some inherent distortions. So finally Kajal signs the divorce papers; she moves out at once while the family members cry. She moves out by putting 4 clothes from a hanger into a suitcase ! Duh...! I need more things to even visit a friend in the same city for more than a day !!!

Arav decides to stay till Diwali; in the meantime he realises how good Kajal is. She has a cottage industry in her grandma's house which has a big turnover; so big that she wants a bank loan of 25 Million because she got a contract from someone in Europe (maybe Gucci heheh). She calls her business as ' A&K ' Industries. She tells Arav that A is a sleeping partner with whom she has never slept. ??? No prizes for guessing who 'A' is. Now Arav has a change of heart ( I think he was evaluating between owning a industry and a job in BMW). He and Kajal have a lot of steamy scenes in the rain when suddenly his cell phone rings ( I think it was a special water proof cell phone model). Its none other than Anna who tells him she was coming to India to get married to him.

To make a long story short, Anna comes to India and learns about Arav's first marriage; meets the understanding Kajal; they become friends (really?); songs; wedding; climax; more rain; then Arav realises who his love is; Anna realises the true words of the fortune from the Gypsy temple - don't ask me wat it was, by now I had slept. End of story.

Moral of the story : Its good to know the BMW chairman's grand daughter esp if they are stupid and gullible.

Where do you find such understanding women ? What did they see in a loser like Bobby Deol ? He looks so sad and bored throughout ! And wats the deal with rains ! Its always raining in the movie !! Maybe it was shot in Cheerapunji :-)

Should you watch the movie ?
Well...maybe only in FF mode..I would specially recommend the scene where " BMW Zed 4" is launched. ROFL !

"Barsaat.....a sublime love story "
Cast: Bobby Deol, Priyanka Chopra, Bipasha Basu
Director: Suneel Darshan
Music Director : Nadeen-Shravan
Editor : Sanjay Sankla
Producer : Suneel Darshan